Nerves

Usually I don't get too nervous when it comes to Vaeh's appointments. I don't really remember being any bit nervous with her last appointment back in November. Its just become such a routine thing, if you can imagine that in this world of CHD.
But the past couple of days, those pesky nerves have been creeping their way back into my head. Vaeh's got a cardiology appointment coming up... during the last appointment he said that we would be heading to the cath lab probably in the spring.... are her pressures going to be better this time, too? Will they have gotten worse & he'll want to go to the cath lab sooner? Will he want to wean her off the drugs completely this time, or in another step? There's always such questions that crop up with these appointments. I know that every heart parent goes through these emotions/questions with any doctor appointment that comes along, even if their child has been doing absolutely wonderful!
I was sitting in the dining room with my Mom tonight discussing my nerves as the girls sat at the table cutting paper. One of Vaeh's favorite things to do is to cut paper... its her "homework" she tells me! I told my Mom how its so easy for me to slip into that "everything is fine" mode. Vaeh looks the picture of health these days. She plays with her sister & other kids, she goes to preschool four days a week. She lives each day of her life to the fullest... all the while being a child who lives with a CHD.
Its hard not to let my mind wander back to the days when I worried every day if she would survive. I used to check her in her crib several times a night to make sure she was still breathing. (Occasionally I still peak in on her just to be sure...) Here lately I even worry about her complaining of her leg hurting. Is it growing pains? Is it something vascular? Since we have a fairly significant family history with blood clots, & she's had some difficulty with that, that one crops up pretty regularly. When we do go back to the cath lab, will it be just a routine cath or is he going to come out & say that she needs another OHS soon? I really hate this.
I know that her appointment is going to go well! I have to believe that, or otherwise I think I would drive myself crazy. I know we're going to breeze through this one because she's doing so well! I just like to 'vent' my crazy feeling from time to time... so thanks for letting the blow whole let loose! LoL
Praying everyone is doing well! Remember to promote awareness this CHD Awareness week & always!